When singles sign up to Sasha Madarasz's dating agency Two's Company, she asks them some important questions - about current and future offspring, ethnicity and smoking.
Yet it's also true you can meet someone "who rocks your world but doesn't necessarily tick any of the boxes you thought you had," she tells Jesse Mulligan.
Photo: Arthur Ogleznev / Unsplash
Sasha Madarasz from the NZ dating agency Two's Company Photo: Babiche Martens
That's what happened to Sasha when she was set up with her now-husband 14 years ago.
"My husband… there's not a huge amount [he had] that was on my wishlist when I met him but we just completely and utterly clicked."
Don't necessarily expect chemistry on the first date, though, Sasha says, you need more than one date to get to know someone.
"Always have a second date unless it's horrid".
By Date 2, you want to be feeling interested in Date Number 3, she says. If there's no chemistry after Date 5, you can know you've given it a fair go.
Many people who connect on dating apps meet for the first time over coffee, but Sasha recommends that her clients - who have already been vetted - go for an after-work drink or dinner on their first date.
Activities such as ice skating, mini-golf and tenpin bowling can be good too - "so you're not just staring at each other for a couple of hours".
Two's Company - which has been open for 18 years - charges a $650 joining fee which includes four introductions then an extra $150 for three further introductions.
Sasha's single clients currently range in age from 25 to 78 and are all heterosexual.
The etiquette around who pays the bill on their first dates often depends on age, she says.
To generalise, people in their 60s and over expect the man will pay, people over 35 offer to split and people under 35 wouldn't dream of asking someone else to pay.
Sasha's own "old-fashioned thought" is that it's a good idea for the guy to pay on the first date.
"My advice would be for the woman to offer to pay half and if the man says 'please, let me' just say thank you and maybe offer to pay next time."
Sasha's two big tips for first date conversation are don't talk about your ex (which men are more often guilty of) and ask questions (rather than just talking about yourself).
Her suggestions include:
- 'If you weren't doing what you're doing now, what would you love to have done?'
- 'When Covid ends what's the first place that you want to go?'
- 'What's the weirdest, strangest thing you've eaten?'
Sasha encourages her clients to try and enjoy the dating process itself as Europeans do.
"[A date is] not an interview to see if this person is going to become the father of your child or the woman you're going to spend the rest of your life with. It's about having fun, getting to know them, getting rid of all those assumptions you have about a person and them getting to know you."
