Tweens may pull out "teenager moves" but they are not the new teenagers, says parenting educator Michelle Mitchell.
As nine-to-twelve-year-olds learn how to respond to the world, they need strong guidance and supervision, she tells Kathryn Ryan.
"They're very much looking to adults to give them practical tangible strategies to get them through the day."
Photo: Carissa Rogers / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0
Michelle Mitchell is the author of Tweens: what kids need NOW before the teenage years.
As parents, it can be easy to neglect tweens because they are often "a bit more easygoing" than kids of other ages, Mitchell says.
Sibling rivalry and jealousy can be evidence that they need a bit more attention, though.
"When our kids start to act out, it's often because they're not seeing themselves in our diary. They need a bigger piece of our time."
Puberty is not just biological and not a "single event", Mitchell says. Cognitive, emotional and sexual changes are underway in the bodies and brains of tweens.
As young people develop at different rates, tween insecurity is often displayed in the sensitive realm of friendship.
To empower children of this age to feel confident making their own decisions about how to respond to issues with friends, Mitchell offers phrases like 'Space solves most things' and 'Let's leave margin for error'.
The process of building a positive body image in a developing body also comes with challenges that are 'normal', she says.
"Because their body is feeling and changing and it's becoming obvious to them that things are on the move, [insecurity] can be expressed through their body image so often."
To help kids avoid falling into a "comparison trap", Mitchell recommends parents encourage them to focus on what's good about their bodies - and also demonstrate a positive relationship with their own.
"Us modelling a love for our body is obviously huge and influential because they are so responsive, adaptive and open to our influence at this age."
Photo: @ Michelle Mitchell
In the years between 9 and 12, curiosity is heightened across the board, Mitchell says.
As their young brains start to dissect, piece together and form opinions on new information about the world they're receiving, it can be "really scary" for parents to relinquish their ideological influence.
"[Tweens] are moving from being very concrete and rigid and literal and accepting what we say to wanting to think on their own and draw their own conclusions about things."
As sexual curiosity is also on the rise at this time, tweens need all of their internet activity well-supervised, Mitchell says.
Both positive and negative influences have the potential to imprint a developing brain at this time.
She recommends parents stay firmly in charge of their kids' devices during the tween years, which will help set up a dynamic for the teenage years.
When tweens want more privacy online, which they often do, her two-word response is 'hell no'.
"They might appear all grown up and they're going to be pushing HARD to be teenagers, but they're not teenagers, they're far from it.
"They're kids, they're not in the place where they have the maturity or cognitive skills to handle privacy.
"We are always going to disagree about screens with kids - that's just reality - and I think remaining in that place of being a protective parent is so important at this age."
Michelle Mitchell has a collection of videos like 'How to help a disappointed tween' on her website.
Photo: supplied
