Sports event organiser Aaron Carter now finds it "really bizarre" that severe depression was able to stop him doing the outdoor activities he loved.
He tells Kathryn Ryan that getting active again has been a major part of his recovery.
"Eventually, you sort of break through and you see the blue skies again and yeah, you strap the shoes on and you go for a walk and that's literally how it started for me, walking along the waterfront in Taupō and just getting back into life."
Aaron Carter, owner of the event company Total Sport, with his child Photo: Total Sport
Aaron Carter is the director of Total Sport. Their upcoming Love Taupo Trail Festival (which has a special focus on the link between mental well-being and outdoor activities) kicks off on 26 April.
Total Sport, which Aaron founded at 27, specialises in off-road running and mountain bike events in "really beautiful natural locations", particularly in the North Island.
Although special locations with restricted public access are a key feature of Total Sport events – such as The Dual which takes place on Motutapu and Rangitoto Islands – inclusiveness is equally important, Carter says.
The events offer an opportunity for people ranging from elite athletes right through to "newbies" to connect with themselves and others through physical activity.
"A person that hasn't done an event before can turn up and they might be rubbing shoulders with someone that's doing their 50th marathon or more and they still feel welcome."
People of different ages and from very different backgrounds can get "pretty honest and pretty raw", he says, sharing with each other what led them into sport and how it's helped them get mentally stronger.
"People just strip get stripped back a little bit and they just start to talk. And I think I think it's like that when you're with someone who's maybe shared the same sort of journey you've had in terms of just getting to the start.
"There's amazing stories of people that have replaced some addictions with others, [trading] alcohol and drugs for trail running [for example] and it's just really cool. I've never lost that buzz around just watching the smallest of joys and sometimes a bit of pain and suffering from the people that do the events. So that helps all of us in a not particularly well-paid industry. All of the people that work at Total Sport share that love of seeing people really enjoy themselves out there."
After five tough years in his own life, Carter says he's now comfortable talking about how crucial fitness is for connecting people with themselves and each other.
"My awareness around the importance of mental health and fitness is just a lot stronger than it was and it seems that every other conversation I'm having, we're talking about someone that's struggling or someone that knows someone that's suicidal, all the stuff.
"I just think it's really important that we all acknowledge these things and that we are as open as we feel we can be talking about this kind of stuff because it's a big deal. That's just there's just too much sadness and too much tragedy going on."
Director of Total Sport, Aaron Carter, doing their 2019 Coastal Challenge event. Photo: 2019 Photos4sale Ltd
Even now, Carter feels like he's still "popping out the other side of a pretty traumatic time" that kicked off during the Covid pandemic.
Lockdown and advancing age brought up his grief over the death of his mum at 50 – "it still freaks me out that I'm older now than my mum was when she passed" – and his best friend who was murdered in South Africa 25 years ago. Compounded with this were fears for the viability of Total Sport, his sister losing a teen son to suicide and the arrest of teachers at Dilworth, his former high school, for sexual abuse.
"I can't kind of point to any single thing but it was just kind of layer upon layer upon layer and then I had a marriage separation about nearly two and a half years ago and that right there was a tipping point."
Looking back, Carter sees what he was enduring was "pretty serious depression".
"I literally exited from work. I told my people working here that I just wasn't available. I wasn't around and I just didn't work for I don't even know how long, maybe a year. I spent that time just sitting in my living room.
"It's so bizarre to me now because then I stopped doing all these things that I love doing like running, mountain biking and playing golf and being in the outdoors. It felt like a bit of suffocation and it was really, really difficult times ... but eventually, you sort of break through and you see the blue skies again and yeah, you strap the shoes on and you go for a walk and that's literally how it started for me walking along the waterfront in Taupō and just getting back into life.
"When I lacked the motivation to get up in the morning and go to work, that was just such a big deal for me. Not having anything to look forward to in the day was just… that was crushing. To be able to get up and go 'Right, today's the day, I'm going to do this and I've got an opportunity to do these cool things', it's everything, you know."
Hosting a great outdoor event for busy people who devote their time to training and competing is a responsibility that Carter and his team take very seriously.
"A lot of people that come and do these events, they sit in an office at a desk in front of a computer all day. That's a big deal to be able to put something on for these people who come to us almost broken but in need of a bit of an escape.
"We're really, really conscious of trying to put on these cool events for people 'cause sadly a lot of people have jobs that they don't like and [competing in our events] does give them more purpose."
